Friday, August 29, 2008

A Ramble on Reading and Writing

When I was a kid I read voraciously, and my mom would complain, as she dutifully took me to the bookstore to buy yet another Sweet Valley High or Nancy Drew novel, that I read too fast. Did I even absorb anything I'd read?

After stops at Stephen King and Harlequin, I was strongly influenced by my Grade 10 English teacher, Mr. French, who gave us a list of authors for "mature reading" that mostly included the Canadian literary giants — the Margaret Atwoods and Margaret Laurences and Timothy Findleys. Since I wanted to be a Mature Reader, I dutifully read almost exclusively from that list for the next several years. (For those who don't know, Canadian literature is notoriously depressing, all wilderness and loneliness.)

And then, in 2002, I got a job as a copy editor at a medium-sized trade book publisher, and suddenly I couldn't stomach reading for pleasure anything heavier than chick lit. I started choosing books for their cute, sassy covers, and my favourite authors became Marian Keyes and Jennifer Weiner. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that. If I ever write that novel I dreamed of writing when I was a teenager, I would want it to be like theirs.

Yeah, I wanted to be a writer, once upon a time. I originally chose journalism as a career because I figured it was a practical way to make a living through writing. Ultimately I realized I would be a terrible journalist, but in the process I did discover copyediting. You know what they say: those who can't write, edit.

Which sort of brings me to the point of this post. I started blogging probably for the same reasons anyone does — because I like to write and I wanted to record and share my thoughts and experiences. But I'm fully aware that this isn't riveting material. And I can't help but compare my blog to some of the truly amazing ones out there. I'd particularly like to highlight two that I admire: Between the Lines, which is written by Amber (aka somethingchangd); and Square Peg, Round Whole, written by Elizabeth (aka epphd).

They are both fantastic, incredibly articulate writers whose posts are thoughtful, insightful, poignant, funny, clever, and metaphorical, even — I could go on and on with the adjectives. Elizabeth, who is on a long TTC break, doesn't post often, but each post is a revelation. Amber, who is beginning her second IVF, bowls me over once or twice a week.

They are both well-known and well-loved Nesties, and hardly need my endorsement, but here it is anyway. If you haven't seen their blogs, you must check them out. (And Elizabeth and Amber, I hope you don't mind this post. Please let me know if I've crossed some line; I'm clueless when it comes to blogger etiquette.)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Reader Participation Day

Enough about me, I want to hear about you! And I know you're out there; I have a blog tracker thingy. So, I declare today (and the next few days until I post again) Reader Participation Day! If you're reading this, whether you're a regular reader or a first-time visitor, please answer the following poll in the comments section. Pleeease? It'll be fun! (If you think any of the questions are too personal, just skip it and answer the rest.)

1. Do you know me? If so, how?
2. Are you a Nestie?
3. Are you TTC? If so, tell me about it.
4. Do you have any children?
5. Where do you live?
6. What do you do for a living? Do you like it?
7. Do you have any comments about or suggestions for this blog?

Thank you for participating in Reader Participation Day! Please visit again soon. :)

Monday, August 25, 2008

The Honeymoon Is Over

Don't worry, my marriage is fine; I'm referring to my new job. Just 2.5 months in, I'm realizing that I'm not going to be happy there. At first I was simply relieved to have left my old job, and then I was overwhelmed with learning new stuff, and briefly I was even enjoying using my new knowledge... but now it's just tedious and the days are dragging by so slowly. Especially since my boss reassigned the one product that was different — the one I actually enjoyed working on — saying that she was evening out workload. (Even though she said it wasn't meant to be a criticism, a part of me definitely took it as one.)

So, here I am, thirty years old, with no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no idea what kind of job I would actually enjoy. I feel like I'm not particularly good at anything, and I have few interests. I'm looking towards the next thirty-five years of my working life with confusion and dread.

In TTC news, I had my 7DPO bloodwork today, which confirmed ovulation. I'm supposed to go in for a beta on Tuesday if I don't have my period yet. I might call back and change that to later in the week; Tuesday is really the earliest I think AF might show.

Oh yeah, I asked Dr. L why he didn't trigger me, and he explained that even though my follicle was 20mm+ a few days before o, my estrogen wasn't high enough to indicate that it was mature. He assured me it was a fine follicle, not too big, not too old, and that I have a good chance this cycle.

Hey, do you think sharp stomach pains and weird cramping could be a symptom of implantation? Nah, me neither.

(P.S. Thanks so much to those who commented on my hair poll last week. I'm a little embarrassed of it, though, and so tonight I deleted it. I ended up getting side bangs, but I can't figure out how to style them to make them look like bangs. The stylist insisted on lots of layering and a "V" at the back. The result? Doesn't look a whole lot different than before. Sigh.)

Monday, August 18, 2008

Attack of the Monster Follicle

All my worry about timing was for naught. Would you believe I still haven't ovulated? I have one monster follicle in there. But why is it still in there? Here's a recap:

CD11: no follicles, lining at 3mm
CD14: follicle at 13mm, lining at 5mm
CD17: follicle at 20x14x13mm,* lining at 8mm
CD18: follicle at 21x16x15mm, lining at 9mm
CD19: follicle at 21x18x20mm, lining at 10mm
CD21: follicle at 25x23x20mm, lining at 11mm

So here's my new worry (because I must always worry about something). Am I overcooking it? I feel like it was big enough to go two or three days ago.** I've never seen anything bigger than 21 via ultrasound before, so 25 seems huge to me! Will it be stale and overripe by the time it releases? I've read that quality of both follicle and lining deteriorate after CD21.

Anyway. I'm done with monitoring for this cycle. (Yesterday when I got home from OOT, just for fun, I POAOPK for the first time on one of the 50 Internet cheapies I bought and got an almost-positive. Exciting stuff!) I should finally ovulate today or tomorrow.

* All three measurements refer to one follicle. The u/s tech gives me three measurements for follicles over a certain size, so I get a 3D effect. On CD17, for example, I commented that my follicle was weirdly oblong, and I was assured that shape doesn't matter.

** EDIT in response to comments: I don't know why we didn't trigger. It was a natural cycle and I guess Dr. L figured it would happen in its own time. Interestingly, though, I looked back through my notes and was reminded that he wrote me a prescription for a trigger I didn't end up needing back in November when we discovered by chance that I was about to ovulate on my own, so he's not opposed to triggering on a natural cycle. I guess he just wasn't concerned. If this happens next cycle I will definitely suggest triggering.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Looks Good but the Timing Sucks

This morning my lining was 9mm, and my follicle was 21 by 15 by 16. I thought for sure I'd be surging, but apparently not. When I got the call from my RE's office, the instructions were simply to come in for monitoring again tomorrow. Bummer. If my LH had been surging I would have been told to have intercourse tonight.

So, I'm expecting that tomorrow, while I'm on a Greyhound headed out of town, without Keith, I will get the call from my RE's office telling me to have intercourse that night. The one night in the entire month — heck, the one night in many months — that we won't be together.

We're going to have intercourse late tonight and then again when I get home on Sunday evening and hope that covers the weekend. It'll be good enough, right?

*crossing my fingers*

Here's a picture from last weekend at my friend's cottage:

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Natural Cycle #1

Well, natural cycle #1 is progressing just fine. CD11 monitoring showed lining at 3mm and no follicles. CD14 monitoring (Monday) showed lining at 5mm and one follicle at 13mm. I should ovulate on Friday or Saturday, which is on pace to match my early ovulation record set last cycle. Can I really count on my ovaries to perform every cycle? Oh, wondrous thought. Maybe I won't bother with monitoring next cycle. Maybe I'll rely on temps and OPKs like a normal person.

I'm trying to figure out how I feel about these natural cycles. I'm really neither optimistic nor pessimistic. Apparently I'm indifferent. I think I'll probably just shrug if I get a BFN this month. I guess I'm just patiently waiting out these natural cycles my RE so highly recommends.

Hmm, that sounded a little like pessimism, didn't it?

Monday, August 4, 2008

Cats and Dogs

Wherever I go, I take pictures of the resident beasts. Since I don't have much to talk about, here's some pictures. (They're all small in terms of file size, so I hope they don't cause download problems for anyone.) Enjoy!